The Wait is Over...

The wait is over...

Thursday, January 18, 2018

I am at the dining room table. I hear the Mail Carrier struggle to insert the mail into the drop box. I know what that means. I pull it all out and unroll it.  I see a big manila envelope. My heart drops. This may be it. I hold my breath as I open it.

There is a check on the box "disabled"!!!

I let out a big breath of relief!!

I turn it over and skim the letter.


"We find that your disability did not end. Therefore, your benefits will continue."

I've read it over and over making sure I read it right.

I cannot contain the wave of emotions coming over me. I start to cry.
I can feel the burden of waiting a year and a half for this decision lift off of my shoulders.  I feel lighter.

"Thank You Lord." I say out loud. I cry more. I get up not knowing what to do with my self and walk into the kitchen.

I am happy and relieved that this is finally over with. I have been waiting over 16 months for an answer and a decision on whether my disability with continue or end.

"I don't want to be disabled."   As I am processing what is happening, I understand this is why I am crying.

Before when people would ask me what I do. I would respond with "I am currently on Disability."

At the time my chief complaints were inner ear related and the treatment plan was hopeful that I could see a change in symptoms. I held onto that for so long. All these years I've been in this unknown space of "Giving it time" and just dealing with lingering symptoms (10 years).

The reason the disability was in question was because the first time I applied for disability it was all based on my ears and they didn't have any of the updated Fibromyalgia documentation. (Read more about the Appeal Process in a blog post from last year.)

This finalizes the reality of Fibromyalgia. It is disabling. I am now officially labeled "disabled" by the State of Oregon. I don't want to be disabled.

This is where I am at. I know it will take time to process.

I will still fight.
I will still hope for healing.
I will still hold on to God.
I will still allow the Lord to work through me as He wills.
I will still use my pain and suffering to help and encourage others.
I will still seek joy in this life.

Love and Prayers ❤



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